The "Wow He/She is Talented" Perception

When most of us admire athletes for being "a natural" or say, "that kid was put on this earth to do that" aren't we simply saying that their value is being brilliantly gifted rather than valuing what they have accomplished through desire, dedication, hard work, and effort?  I'm not sure about you, but if we praise for "talent" I believe it sends the message that being naturally talented and exceptionally gifted are what it takes to be successful?  Today, our society is so focused on classifying people as being inherently brilliant, talented, beautiful, and/or physically superior that we have allowed ourselves to believe that the most valued assets; success, fortune and fame are a given because "they are just gifted" rather than the fact that hard work, desire and dedication are the attributes that get truly successful people to the top.

Isn't a better message to send to young athletes this, "Continually do your best, push limits and industriously make every effort to achieve more through effort"?  Ask any world-class athlete if it was his "talent gene" or specific and targeted effort that got him or her to where they are today. The age old saying, "hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard" speaks volumes, no matter what age, skill or sport.  If you want long-term success you must practice, work hard and smart, and have a laser like determination.

When I speak to coaches and parents they always want to know how to praise their kids correctly in order to help them continue to grow and do their best.  The first question I always ask to the parent or coach is, "Why are you giving or do you want to give praise?"  The coach and parent first and foremost need to examine their reason for praise/feedback.  If it is just for giving some praise or "feedback" as I like to call it, is broad, well then there is no real value.  Feedback needs to be useful, specific and instructive if you want to help them.  The best way to start with praise and constructive feedback is to get their perspective on what they are doing or have done, you can do this by asking them questions on the "why" they are doing something or what they have done.  What we fail to realize is that at one point, we were that person-that kid you are now talking to.  If you are a person who gives feedback, follow 5 simple rules; be specific, be sincere, listen to the person you are speaking with, understand their perspective and look them in the eyes. Numerous studies have taught us that children and adults are starved for feedback, not an outstanding amount of praise.  They want it to be honest, specific, and helpful. It is about providing information that will help.  Feedback that only states that they need to "do more" or "work harder" isn't feedback, it's a scolding and no one like to be scolded or told they are not doing things correctly.  Maybe the child believes he or she is doing things correctly or doing enough, that's where the feedback comes into play, here is where you now can ask questions and give proper feedback/praise, but remember to be specific, be sincere, listen to them, understand their perspective and look them in the eyes   I've talked to hundreds of kids who truly believe they are doing all they can, but with proper feedback most of the time we can help redirect them into doing things more effectively, efficiently and smarter.

So Greg, "Are you saying that anyone can be anything he or she wants to be if he or she just works at it more and tries hard enough? Yes and No, what I am specifically saying that anyone can be better at what he or she wants if they are willing to put in the time and effort it takes to do so.  Nothing is hard, let me repeat that, nothing is hard, it just takes time.  However, you are correct in saying that there are certain physical and mental aspects that can play into this such as specific limiting physical attributes that can put people at a disadvantage.  The chance of a 5'2" man playing in the NBA aren't too high, but he can be the best 5'2" basketball player in the world, the chance of a 7' Jockey winning the Kentucky Derby may also be slim, and the chance of someone without limbs on his lower extremities running in the Olympics is slim right... oh wait, scratch that, it was done - successfully in 2012. Personally I am very cautious about assigning limits on anyone because of physical limitations.  A lot of my clients have heard me say that the most powerful thing you can have is DESIRE, desire trumps all, desire gets things done, it beats talent, it beats genetics, it beats the newest vitamin and training tool you can buy off that infomercial, desire wins, always.  Desire, specific "deep practice," and effort wins, it creates habit and habit creates Myelin, but creating Myelin is another topic for the future.  I do think in some people that there is a bit of neurological awareness that gives them an advantage, and yes some do seem to have a certain knack or taste for the sport or the tasks they chase.  They seem to have a "flow" or that sense of being "a natural," to do what is hard for others.  However, that early success will not and does not survive without desire, specific "deep practice," and effort.


So in the end am I saying that we have to stop admiring "talent," No, No way!  What I am saying is that praising "talent" isn't always what we are we doing, we need to remember that athletes, and specifically kids here, surely have different aptitudes, skills, competencies, and the financial means to hire great coaches, but except for a minute portion of our population who has severe impairments, we can all get better at things that matter to us.  It just takes a commitment to effort.  So don't ever believe that someone can be better than you just because he or she is "a natural." 



Greg DiRenzo, M.S.
"Small Hinges Swing Big Doors"